You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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