Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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