for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
