Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
