if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
