It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
