how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
