He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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