there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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