I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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