we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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