It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
