dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
