The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
