where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
