I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
