how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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