Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
