I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The power of my boobs compel you
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
