I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
