Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
