nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize