If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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