ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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