We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
honey bunches of taint.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
