so that wasnt chicken after all
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
