Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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