All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
