My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
