Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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