the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
