Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
