worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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