well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
