so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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