I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
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