I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Vodka?
Forever.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
