I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
