We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize