and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
