I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
