I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
