thus making me awesome and them whores
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
