It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
