You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Houston, we have a blender
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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