i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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