Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
