Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
