Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's never too late to be topless.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
