so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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