It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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