Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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