I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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