We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
