Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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