yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
