I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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