Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
