I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize