when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
