Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
