Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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