Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
accomplished twins. life is a go
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
