Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
