And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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