I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize