if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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