I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
