just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
