May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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