1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
