That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So much Jack, so little girl.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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