What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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